Oh What The Fuck.

Some thoughts I've had in the past hour:

1.) Superbad is such an awesome fricking movie. Especially the

second time around.

2.) Dear My Social Life,

I'm sorry I have neglected you. Please take me back.

Sincerely,
me

3.) There is exactly 9 days left till I turn 20. (Where the heck did

my teenage years go?)

4.) Man I'm broke.

Been Awhile

I haven't written anything here for what is coming up to be 3 weeks now - mainly because I haven't focused on any particular issue that I wanted to write about - but hopefully that will change soon enough. You, the imaginary reader I sometimes pretend to write to, probably don't care, but hey, I gotta start practicing somewhere right?

I don't quite know what to shape this blog out to be: at first, I wanted it to be more a personal video gaming blog regarding my opinions over news, games, reviews, editorials, etc., but then quietly slipped into a smorgasbord of my own life, wants, needs, things like that. Not to mention the chance it gives me to vent out certain topics on my mind that I wouldn't normally convey in conversation.

Either way, I need to shape this place up a bit. Expect changes, and more un-regularly scheduled updates.

Lesson of the Day: Cars

No, not the movie.

You see, my own 1997 Chevy Cavalier has unexpectedly refused to start on ignition today - they were some signs of trouble yesterday when driving back to school, and even almost didn't start today at the gas station, but now it simply doesn't want to start. So far, I know that it's not my battery (lights still work fine), nor my oil (the stick reads that the levels are fine), but it may have something to do with the computer (a slight *cluck*cluck* sound can be heard when one attempts to turn on the ignition).

In other words: something completely out of my realm. I knew I should have asked my uncle or someone to properly teach me how to troubleshoot my car effectively back when I had time, and now that one of the worst has happened, I'm completely useless about it.

Gah.

My Ultimate Christmas Wish List (Ver 1.00)

(Ed. note: Now, I don't normally send out such "wish lists" to family members for christmas before - namely because gifts stopped surprising me since I was 10 and the fact that I never really knew what I wanted for Xmas in the first place - so this would be an important milestone in this grand ol' holiday we all love and hate at the same time :) )

Hello, family and friends to my very first and very special edition of Gino's Christmas Wish List. If you would so indubitably notice, I'm sending this email far, far in advance of the great gift-opening night we've all become so accustomed to in the last couple of years, giving you ample time to find the gift I so lovingly deserved - and yes, sarcasm is bound to be plentiful in this post, so don't take my words too condescendingly (besides, how else would one write such a list without sounding so selfishly arrogant in the first place?).

Without getting into too much detail, this year is the first year I've finally realized what I've wanted for Christmas - too long have I been jaded by the childlike wonder of Christmas past, not knowing what to ask for from my very esteemed relatives, only being pleasantly aloof whenever the winter holidays arrived. But lo! has the light been shed on the eternal darkness of these stark prison walls of my mind, counting down the days to which mine freedom would be mine once more; where I could walk out and feel the morning sun bursting at my fingertips; the cold, fragile texture of wet grass beneath my naked flesh; the fresh smell of water lillies devouring the nasal passages from which hitherto knew nothing but emptiness and filth! O had such dark days been tormenting my tortured soul with such furious viscosity that . . .

Ah, *ahem*, sorry for the rather verbose intro there. Got a little too carried away, methinks. Anyway, now for the real reason I intrude upon your very busy lives today: the list. Onward ho!

1.) Assorted Fencing Gear
- mask
- jacket
- lame' (accent on the "e")
- electric foil

pros: something I'll definitely use throughout the year, ie in practices/tournaments; makes
me look cool to have my own gear while I'm at it : )

cons: prices fluctuate depending on the piece of gear, see me for more info*

2.) Playstation 3 Games
(choose any one of the following - however, feel free to be generous!)
- Assassin's Creed
- Half Life: The Orange Box
- Guitar Hero III (preferably w/ guitar)
- Rock Band (only those who really love me would even think about buying this bundle)
- Uncharted: Drake's Fortune
- Random: be creative! if you find a game that I'd enjoy that I don't know about, go for it!

pros: convenient to find/gift wrap with such a small package
cons: they run about $50 to $60 a pop - Rock Band, however, takes the cake at $169.99

3.) Cool Blu-Ray Movies
- since I now have a Playstation 3 to enjoy movies in their hi-def glory
- new releases, old releases: anything you think might appeal to me

pros: convenient to find, rather inexpensive depending on the movie
cons: i don't have an HDTV yet to enjoy it with : ( * see below for this

4.) an HDTV
- Black Friday is coming up this week *HINT*HINT*
- naturally, I would never ask you to purchase one just for little old me, but rather help
me pay off the rather nasty amount I'll most likely have if I find a good deal running
around this Thanksgiving weekend
- that said, I'm open to accepting *any* amount on this to alleviate the burden on my
credit card, since getting paid at minimum wage in Davis would take a bajillion years
to pay off

pros: choose what amount you get to give toward paying off my debt; helps me complete
my high definition experience with my PS3 and Blu-Ray movies

cons: none, since I'm most likely the one to be charging it to my card in the first place

5.) Books/Graphic Novels
- I am Legend (not the movie version), by Richard Matheson
- Southland Tales (graphic novel), by Richard Kelly
--> either 3 volumes sold separately, or one containing all 3 of them

pros: relatively inexpensive
cons: none

6.) Clothes
- If all else fails, clothes would be the safest bet
- Shirts: tend to fit either MED or LRG, depending on the shirt
- Shorts/Pants: waist size = 33
- Jackets/Coats: LRG
- My recommendation: go with a gift card of some sort, preferably with any of these
fine manufacturers:

Threadless.com; Pac Sun; Urban Outfitters; JCPenney; Macy's; Old Navy; GAP

pros: extremely flexible in price - you choose how much you want to spend
cons: hardly any, if at all

Well folks, there you have it. If you need any more details or information on the above products in this list, feel free to shoot me back an email or two; feedback is greatly appreciated.

Good Night, Good Luck, and God Speed.

Writing Fiction

. . .is much harder than it sounds. No, really. I'm currently in the midst of my Writing Short Fiction 5F class, a "workshop" as my grad student teacher would say, and so far it has been rather interesting. The way it works is that in the quarter, along with learning how to write cohesive stories as taught by two books we read, each student submits two different short stories up for critique by the entire class. Sounds frightening, huh? During those critique sessions, the class pretends that the author isn't in the room and starts openly discussing the good and bad of the piece being analyzed (within reason and respect, of course), and ways on which the writer can improve.

Well having been through one with my first story - and participating in other's workshops as well, I thought I'd have it figured out by now. Granted the class marks my first foray into my Creative Writing major, but I thought I'd be able to get into the swing of things rather early on. Instead, as experienced last week when I turned in my second and final story, theres always this sense of dread and nervousness that hums around my head until the day of my own workshop. In fact, leading up to the 6:00 pm class today almost made me feel nauseated. I recall being equally nervous when my first story was critiqued, but today just felt totally different - its hard to describe really, as it wasn't my collaspse-inducing moment when I turned it in last week (worked 6 hours straight on it the day it was due), but it was just as disconcerting.

See, my passion for writing began, fittingly enough, with video games. From there, I composed some slightly-retarded fan-fiction (that I hope will never see the light of day again) and slowly created new ideas for me to write from. Though I never actually finished any of these stories - I was always dissatisfied with one idea, and would begin an entirely different story concept later on - it provided me with at least some sort of rookie foundation: I developed a feel for it, but quickly bailed out if the idea ever bored me or wasn't looking to go anywhere further.

The thing was that, outside from "publishing" certain chapters of those stories to forums that I used to frequent, no other eyes would see what I wrote. It was mine, and mine alone, no matter how terribly bad or terribly good the writing happened to be. That's why when, upon learning of the syllabus for my writing class this quarter, it almost scared me to death that I'd be in the same room as those who are openly critiquing my piece of writing. Its akin to giving up your baby to the wolves - you're never quite sure how the audience would react to your writing, and it seemed if they had said anything bad about it, (with your sensitivity to such things already ramped up to the max) you feel nothing short of being depressed.

Maybe I'm exaggerating a little too much - after all, the workshops are meant to foster growth and improvement, and as a writer, criticism is one of the most important assets to have in maturing one's craft. But like I said before, when my work is critiqued, everything just seems to be overly sensitive to comments made from real live people. It sounds quite silly when I think about it, but considering that a lot of my fiction writing was done within the detached distance of the internet, it was a scary idea to see these people in class actually saying good or bad things about my work.

That's why I was totally elated when mostly everyone seemed to love my first story, which I titled "The GreenHill Gunslinger", and some few technical problems aside, it seemed to materialize my idea of a gripping, heartfelt story. After that class was over, I was content for pretty much the rest of the week - nothing could touch me; I felt invincible. It was honestly a feeling I had never felt since playing football for my high school a few years ago. The first story seemed to cement the writing skills that my teachers had been praising all along (that is, in essay form at least), so it felt good that I could actually piece a cohesive story together.

Then came today.

To be honest, I don't want to make a big deal about this - as the other writers in my class take their criticism graciously and with tact, something I try to do - but sometimes, it honestly sucks to see that the vision that I had lied out in my head did not translate as smoothly to the ink on the paper. My second story certainly wasn't bad writing, but it ended up confusing people a whole lot more than I suspected it would - to be short, it dealt with a woman with a personality disorder and her attempts at organizing her life from within it. But the lack of clarity was evident in the comments they gave in class, and I really took it to heart.

All told, the second story took about 14 hours to complete, much of it written on the day it had been due (it was a similar case with my first story as well). In that sense, I guess I was too impassioned by my efforts to make a dramatic story that I didn't bother to go back and consider what may have been a confusing part of the tale. Irregardless of when I wrote it, however, the response from my class was markedly different from before: many expressed interest in the concept, but got lost due to lack of clarity in particular areas of the story.

The only reason that this had a particular impact on me as well was, when I first set out to write this story, I explicitly reminded myself not to confuse the reader or leave them in the dark intentionally to carry a point across. The fact that I did not accomplish this well enough had left me quit downtrodden: it's true when they say that your harshest critic will always be yourself. Every comment that I heard just automatically amplified itself in my head, leaving me in a sort of daze once my workshop was over.

Coming home I didn't think much of it, actually, until I read some comments from the copies themselves - as part of the workshop, people turn back their copies of the stories with comments once the author is done being critiqued. A few them said nothing at all, but others echoed the lack of clarity that had been prevalent in tonight's discussion. From there, all I could help feel was just this slight tinge of depression, completely opposite from what I felt after my first story was critiqued. It's a rather weird feeling, too. I don't get depressed too often - frustration is more like it - but the more I think about, the more it makes me concerned about my future in writing.

I'm sure I'll do fine in my later fiction classes, but right now at least, I can't help but worry. I admit that my second story was somewhat ambitious, and had an overall complex plot (perhaps I'll post it here one day?) but I hate seeing the faults in my abilities as a writer, since I do hold myself if not to perfection, then at least clarity and cohesiveness. It is definitely hard for me to accept these faults, though I do try my best to learn from them in the long run. Just right now, it makes me feel almost downright terrible.

On the bright side, things always tend to look better in the morning.

Assassin's Creed Reviews...

are now up:

http://www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/ps3/assassinscreed

Take from it what you will, as being one of the most heavily anticipated games this fall, it is certainly tearing a few reviewers apart. As for me, I might check it out later this month via Gamefly to see if its a keeper.

Feeling Rather Old

For as long as I can remember, video games have been a huge part of my life: from the days of the 8 bit Sega Master System (the original Nintendo was already before my time) to the million-pushing polygon models we see today, I've lived and breathed these virtual worlds throughout my childhood and now just through my young adult life. That is why, whenever I come across fragments or articles like the one I'm about to show you, I am always amazed at how much more immersed today's generation of kids is within not just video games, but in digital culture and media as a whole.

First, some background info. I found this posting on a jobs website that is sponsored by my university, and being the poor college student I am, I check it on a regular basis. Out-of-campus jobs are posted along as well, and can range anywhere from the usual baby sitting duties to delivery truck drivers. Well, the one that happened to caught my eye today was a posting entitled: "computer graphics and game design tutor." Simple enough right? A rarity for sure, but simple nonetheless. Here is the description that follows it:

"Meet with 11 yr old and help with computer game design. We are currently using Torque Game Builder. Demonstrate simple computer programing."

Now, I've heard of young'ns being pretty damn good at games before - don't believe me? Look up pro-gamer Lil' Poison - and there have certainly been especially "gifted" kids before in other fields (though I don't know if the kid mentioned in the post is or isn't one - and if he/she is, then they should get out of gaming entirely - go find the cure for cancer or something!). But though this description shouldn't really take anyone by surprise in this day and age, its the underlying motive beneath it that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. An 11 - year old is an aspiring game designer, using public tools available at their disposal and (supposedly) along with their parents' help, to create a game. However you read it, if you're a supporter of the games industry like me, that's freaking awesome.

And in some ways, I can relate. When I was 11, I was having a grand ol' time in elementary school, playing games with friends, reading through video game magazines, the works. Though I was a 90's kid, and the original Playstation just began its dominance in spreading gaming to the mass culture, it obviously wasn't as big as it is today - both financially and culturally. Of course, at 11, I didn't even dream of creating a game myself; I simply enjoyed the fun I had playing them. But when I look at the younger pre-teen generation today, gaming seems to have a much larger cultural impact on their lives. My main observation comes through my not-so-little cousins who own 360's, PS3's and Wii's: though they play them like mad, they can't possibly comprehend the immense power these consoles have under their fingertips today. All they care about is booting up XBox Live and talking trash and taking names in the latest Halo, Gears of War, or whatever game is popular at the moment.

Now I'm not trying to downplay their generation - granted, playing these preteens can get pretty irksome in online matches - but I've got a lot of respect for them for growing up in such a digitally connected society like ours, and even be (dare I say it) a tad bit envious as well. With the immense vast of knowledge contained in the internet easily accessible to anyone nowadays, along with powerful software tools that, with practice and understanding, can yield equally impressive results, these kids can create/modify their own digital work (and have some experience doing so) before they even reach puberty.

As these kids become more and more exposed to video games, the internet, and other technological wonders at earlier ages, their understanding of such media would only multiply as they get older and become acquainted with even more powerful machines. Assuming the kid in the job post follows through to become a game designer as an adult- and at their age, musings of future careers are still highly sensitive to change - he is certainly following the right path, and would have an early edge up on the competition.

I realize that I'm far from being old myself, but looking at things like the job description above is just one of those stop-and-pause moments that really have me thinking about where our gaming culture is heading. It represents a small, small fragment of it - and for all I know, this could just be a passing interest for the kid and not a career defining decision - but it could also be a sign for things to come.

Question is, should I sign up for the job?

welcome/hello/test.c

titles says it all, folks